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Confession is good for the soul.
So...this afternoon I poured out my heart about how I was feeling about my definitely disheartening weight loss un-success. After that I spent a few hours feeling quite sorry for myself. This evening I trudged in from work around 7:00 pm hungry and wanting nothing more than to curl up on my couch and watch some sappy movie on Lifetime.
I started my period today which partially explains why I've been weepy and sad and my cravings have been out-of-control for the last 4 or 5 days. (Duh! I've been going through this for, like, 15 years and it still catches me by surprise some months!)
Fall is on its way, so the days are getting shorter, and yet, here in South Carolina, not significantly cooler. However, this evening it was about 78 degrees as opposed to the 85 and 90 degrees it has been even at sunset.
I decided that instead of eating dinner in front of the tv and sitting on my duff, I would venture out into the neighborhood for a walk. This in spite of the fact that I was tired and grumpy and crampy. And the sky looked like rain.
I changed quickly into my walking shoes, sports bra and t-shirt, grabbed 3-lb free weights and headed out the door. I simply had to turn my frustration and despair from earlier in the day into energy for positive change.
I chose a circuit around my neighborhood that encompasses just a little over 2 miles. Greenville is known for its hills and its trees, so there is nowhere I can go and not encounter challenging terrain. Because I am so out of shape, there were several times during my workout that I wanted to quit.
When you're at home on the treadmill and you feel pooped, you can always step off. (um, not that I do...) When you walk out your front door and get tired, it doesn't matter, there's nothing for you to do but make your way home from wherever you are. And I chose a path that had no shortcuts.
When I returned home from my walk I was not nearly as hungry as I felt when I got home from work. I consumed more calories at lunch than I had intended, so I told myself then that I would need to go lighter at dinner to make up for it. I was going to fix dinner more out of habit and boredom than actual hunger. I did come home wanting a sweet treat though, and I was thirsty. So, I made myself a simple smoothie: chocolate soy milk (Silk) and a banana, and it really hit the spot.
It was refreshing because it was cold, filling because of the banana, and the chocolate richness satisfied my sweet tooth.
That was around 7:45 pm. It's about 2 hours later and if I get hungry again before bedtime, I'll have an apple or some grapes, maybe a cup of yogurt, but no meat or bread, definitely nothing fried, and no pasta or pastries....sigh...
See! This is how I used to live. These were my automatic habits. This is why I could maintain my weight without having to even think about it once upon a time. It is infinitely frustrating to me that I feel like I have to relearn everything I used to know and retrain myself to do all of these things that simply were a part of me.
I didn't grow up eating junk food and sitting around watching TV. I know. I know. I said all this before, but I'm just like: dang! How did I fall into this rut?
Anyway...the important thing is this: I am trying to climb out of it.
As always, comments are welcome and encouragement is needed.
Thank you in advance....
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2 comments:
have you answered your own question yet? how did you fall into this rut? breakfast and lunch should be your largest meal so that you can burn those calories off during the daytime. so don't beat yourself up too much for over-consuming at lunch. but this late night eating has got to stop though period or no period!
Well...what I didn't say was this: I had a weight watchers frozen entree around 1 pm because I was gonna be really good, but then I was out with my Dad a few hours later and he bought fried chicken and biscuits and fries and cole slaw.
Only 2.5 hours after I ate a sensible lunch, I ate 2 drumsticks, a wing, two biscuits and half the fries. So, it was a poor food choice and the WORST kind of calories.
I usually like to go light on breakfast because I'm NEVER hungry in the early morning. Then I'll eat a nice hearty salad for lunch in addition to soup or a frozen entree (Lean Cuisine or Weight Watchers).
If I do that, I'm typically not terribly hungry for a whole meal by dinner time. However if I don't eat a meal for lunch and simply snack a little, then I'm usually pretty famished by dinnertime.
It all depends on what I have to do in a day though. Sometimes I'm busy at the office or have other obligations where I don't get to eat my lunch even when I've prepared a good one.
I have to be mindful and say: No matter what, I am going to stop and eat.
When I get absorbed in a project or a problem needs resolution, I find it is just really hard for me to pull myself away.
I 'forget' that I need to eat until I'm REALLY STARVING.
As I commented before, sometimes I teach at night, and I'm not hungry before I leave for class, but then I don't have an opportunity to eat dinner until around 9 pm.
A lot of times I was too tired to cook, so I ended up eating empty-caloried snacks and sweets...fattening foods that didn't even make me feel full or satisfied, just something to munch on absent-mindedly.
How do we ever develop bad habits? Just forgetting, not being mindful and conscientious, getting overwhelmed by fatigue, being pulled in different directions by various obligations. You know the drill.
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