Denial will do you in every time!
There was one part of my brain where I was just not thinking about it. How fat I was getting. How awful I felt all the time. How bad I looked in my clothes.
It was like I just couldn't process it.
Even though it was with me every waking moment somehow I just tuned it out. I almost had to. Otherwise the dissatisfaction would have driven me to distraction.
Not action, just hopelessness and despair....Oh, wait... I lived there for a while, too.
Sitting around the house in sweat pants and a t-shirt you don't have to think about it, but the moment you want to leave the house - for anything - it becomes a problem.
What to wear to the grocery store? What to wear to the business meeting? What to wear to a party or concert?
Nothing looks good.
Nothing.
And I would tell myself: remember this.
Remember this frustration the next time you want an order of french fries or a slice of cheesecake.
Yet somehow, the denial won out every single time.
Some part of me would say: "Ok, just this last time. And I will start my new eating plan tomorrow." Or, "I'm going to swear off sugar and starches completely - indefinitely - so I can have this today because the weight will just melt away when I give it all up for good!"
Ah...the lies we tell ourselves, right?
About Me
- blackrussian
- I started this blog as a single girl just trying to make her way in the world. I am now a newlywed trying to navigate my way through this new business of being married. I love my husband dearly; he is very many of the things I always knew I wanted but feared I might never find... I am still living life, finding fulfillment, and making memories every day... And it is my honest intention to continue detailing my journeys in the hopes that my stories will help others as those who came before have helped and encouraged me. Enjoy!
2 comments:
This is where I am. Where I have been for so many years. I languish in the agony of being overweight, even though every one says I "carry it well", even though not one single person would ever guess that I weigh as much as I do.
I have so many clothes that simply do not look nice or fit right because I have done nothing to lose this weight. I have a few clothes that I don't mind wearing and that do not make me look like a busted open can of biscuits, so those few are in constant rotation.
*sigh*
So finally about a month ago I started AGAIN on an exercise regimen, and AGAIN on a sensible eating plan.
I can see the results but as you mentioned, this is going to have to be a lifelong journey, not one that ends at a certain weight.
Thank you for commenting. Unfortunately I am still there.
It's two months later and you can call me Cleopatra....
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